Cut: Week 4

Well, my ‘Spidey sense’ was accurate – four weeks down, and the honeymoon is OVER.

I’m exaggerating, but this past week was something of a roller coaster — ups and downs with a net neutral. We're ending in a better place than where we started, but I swear, no sooner had I hit Publish on that last cheerful post than the scale instantly ground to a screeching halt. That was bound to happen at some point anyway, but my irritation was compounded by the fact that the biggest driver of it was actually ovulation, already (so much for my hopeful theory that a calorie deficit might lead to longer cycles!).

At any rate, I could see just a couple of days into the week that my average wasn't going to work out to where it needed to be, so I went ahead and cut macros (thanking myself all the while for the meticulous calculations of last week!). However, so far I've remained a full 1-2# heavier than last week even despite the change in intake. There are lots of different drivers of that, depending on the day — hormones are obviously the main one, but sodium intake is likely also playing a role; furthermore, I had some truly evil tempo squat work on Monday that (undoubtedly) led to some training inflammation (my legs were pretty sore for a couple of days). Another influencing factor is that I shifted to the 'training after one meal' macro paradigm (more on that in a minute), which means I've now got a little more food in my system at my normal weigh-in time, so that skews the numbers a little, too. 

The bottom line is that I'm back to having to repeatedly reassure myself that I AM STILL DOING THINGS RIGHT and that fat loss is still happening despite not currently being able to 'see' that fact reflected on the scale. After an initial two days of being extraordinarily cranky about the whole thing, I’m actually doing a pretty good job of staying calm about it again now, because despite the high numbers, I can still see some gradual recomposition — there’s a little more room in the waistband of my pants this week, and my overall sense of comfort inside my body is still slowly increasing. I’m not quite to the ‘relaxed’ place yet, but I’m starting to feel like I mostly just look ‘strong’ now, not too ‘fluffy’ anymore. At the gym yesterday, I noticed that when I got annoyed with my shirt falling down during handstand work, I was almost okay with just taking it off (haven't been comfortable doing that in months). We're getting there.

I’m not normally much for public progress pictures, especially not when the scale is running significantly HIGHER than last week, but I needed to remind myself that this isn’t about numbers.

And I know I'm in a deeper deficit this week, despite what the scale would have me believe. First, because obviously my macro/calorie numbers are lower; second, because I've definitely been noticing more fatigue in training sessions. Knock on wood, my musculoskeletal system is still holding up — I'm not feeling the tweaky, twingey, low-level achy ‘warning signs’ that I usually do during a deficit — but I'm just getting ‘tired’ faster than normal, which makes everything feel like it's going worse than it really is.

Ironically, though, this has actually been a pretty great week in terms of performance. I matched my push press 3RM (with more solid form than two months ago), ‘accidentally’ got my first legless rope climb, and on Friday’s sumo deadlift doubles from blocks, I even pulled a 300# barbell for the first time ever (!). I don't feel ‘weak’ or ‘breakable’ — just plain ol’ tired.

I can work with ‘tired’ — however, the one day that presented a legitimate issue was Monday, where I 'bonked' two minutes into my metcon for the first time in months. I've written before (near the end of this post) about the panic that happens when my blood sugar gets low during training; fortunately, this time wasn't quite as bad, because it had the ring of familiarity. I was able to recognize what was happening, admit that the phenomenon made total sense for the metabolic situation I was putting myself in, and acknowledge that there was no ‘coming back’ from it at that point; my only option was to find an effort level where I could complete the task at hand, no matter how much rest that required. I settled myself down and (slowly) finished the workout with reasonable composure, which was a small victory. However, Tuesday then ‘tried’ to head down the same path; by the time I’d finished all my strength/accessory work and was due to start my rowing/OHS metcon, I could feel myself getting a little depleted. Fortunately, this time I had the presence of mind to proactively fall back on my emergency candy; two rolls of Smarties (dextrose!) got me through ‘Nautical Nancy’ just fine. However — while I’m aware that this is a phase where we're occasionally sacrificing short-term performance in exchange for chasing a body composition that will facilitate more improvement over the longer term — I was still a little skeptical of the idea that these fueling issues should be happening already, at the start of week 4.

So, the next day, I did something I'd never done and shifted to the ‘training after one meal’ paradigm. (With RP, macros are structured differently depending on what time of day a person trains.) I have always been a first-thing-in-the-morning athlete; however, I learned during my recent strength cycle that I actually feel a lot better if I intentionally get some carbs on board before training and don't rely on just the intrashake. So this week I started adding some protein alongside my usual pre-gym English muffin, and counting that as my first ‘meal’ for the day. We’ll see how it goes tomorrow (heavy leg day), but so far, this change has helped a lot; no more panic and no more need for intra-candy. :) I'm admittedly still getting adjusted to the differences in what the remainder of the day subsequently has to look like (it feels very strange to have a banana supposedly be ‘enough’ post-workout carbs), but it seems clear that this setup allows me to cope a lot better overall.

Bottom line: this feels sustainable, at least for a while.

And I'm kind of surprised by how ‘okay’ I still am, mentally. There are definitely times when I wish I could have larger portions, but I'm still not really feeling ‘tempted’ by food. The one odd thing that I HAVE craved this week has been (weirdly) ketchup, which is mildly strange only because it's not even something I normally keep in the house; I never really think about it unless I'm at a restaurant and it happens to be there. However, there's obviously no reason I can’t have ketchup on a cut, so if that’s going to make next week's chicken burgers feel more satisfying, well, okay then.

Apart from the aforementioned peri-training stuff, which ‘flexes’ a bit depending on the day and the training load, I'm eating strictly by the clock (10:30am, 1:30pm, 4:30pm, casein at 7:30pm). Any hunger that crops up between meals is just something to 'sit with' until the clock says I can eat again. (And this week I've actually wrapped my brain around its being a positive thing — because I've been frustrated by the scale not moving, so if I feel hunger, that serves as a weird kind of ‘confirmation’ that I really am doing things right.)

Here’s another way that I can tell I’ve ‘grown up’ mentally as far as my approach to nutrition. There’s a ‘secret’ RP ladies’ Facebook group that posts a daily “Today I Ate” thread as a way of providing some camaraderie and accountability for those of us who are cutting. During my first cut, I didn't know they existed; during my second (aggressive) one, that group of ladies was clutch in terms of how much support they provided; it would have been a much lonelier (and likely not as successful) endeavor without them. I still recognize a few names in there, so when I started my current cut, I volunteered for the job of posting the daily thread, thinking that action would be helpful to me. However — I'm surprised to notice that half the time I completely forget to contribute to the group for the remainder of the day, and when I do, it feels like more of an ‘obligation’ than a ‘support’.

Turns out, this time around, I don't feel like I ‘need’ to take pictures of every morsel of food or commiserate about how hungry I am. The process doesn’t feel worthy of that much attention. This isn’t particularly stressful. It’s not a hardship. It’s just… what I’m doing right now. It’s as simple as that.

Now, having said that — food-wise, this week also felt like I had to pull out all my tricks at once! Carrot noodles reappeared this week, as did the habit of adding huge handfuls of arugula to basically every meal. Vinegar, mustard, and dill pickles have become staples again. Laughing Cow cheese suddenly tastes way more palatable, and sugar-free Jello (10 calories!) is downright delicious. Also, although I was the child who would promptly spit out anything carbonated (and am the adult who still gags on soda), I’ve downed a can of seltzer almost every day this week… those bubbles go a long way toward filling an empty tummy.

So, yeah. It was a harder week than the past three. But, in terms of ‘cut karma’, I was admittedly due for one. It’s the yin and the yang of this process. The only thing that’s within my control is to be consistent in the face of all that — which I am doing, with 100% compliance.

Which means that, very soon, the hormones and water will clear out, the scale will remember what it’s supposed to be doing, and I’ll have more positivity to bring to next week’s post.

…Or I’ll be buying stock in coffee and Skinny Pasta. Either way, it’ll be an entertaining read.